Self-awareness takes effort. I’ve often felt as though I’m observing my life, not living it, and the brief moments I have of deep awareness of who I’ve become by default sometimes bring a sense of overwhelming fear. Going through the daily motions of life has brought me to a point in my early thirties where I am not living the life I imagined I would be.
Part of my intent for this blog is to showcase my personal attempts to improve various aspects of my life. I hope that anyone reading who can relate will take away some encouragement to push forward as well.
But all of this is due to my own choices and actions– my laziness, my apathy, my poor decisions, and my distractedness. These have and still do prevent me from becoming the man I know I could be, from changing for the better, and from enjoying the time I have.
Henry David Thoreau said, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and life the life you imagined.”
My younger self imagined that by this time in my life I would be married with children, living in a house in the suburbs and working my way up some corporate ladder.
Instead, I’m currently single, making less than the median income in my age group in my state, living with roommates, and so distracted that I can barely focus on one task for longer than a few minutes.
So I’m going to blog. I figure it is a good way to not just get my thoughts down about life, but also an opportunity to mold my life. I still want marriage and kids and a house of my own, the classic nuclear family, because that is the environment I believe brings the most joy. As the youngest of a large family, I believe in its importance for proper growth and development of both children and parents.
But aside from that, I want to develop skills and adopt hobbies that I enjoy and which will use my time more constructively than watching TV or playing videogames. I want to organize my projects and my efforts in a way that provides accountability and creates a life of intent. I’m going to use technology, such as AI, Cubase, and GIMP, to improve my creative skills and work toward a better life.
In essence, I’m trying to Integrate, Create, and Transform.
Integrate: Use the tools available to me and implement them in my daily life and efforts.
Create: Develop new skills and hone current ones to engage in constructive activities.
Transform: Shape my life intentionally to become the person I know I can be.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey.
-Zed